1. Defining Self Esteem
Self-esteem is “the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self-concept are perceived to be positive” (American Psychological Association, 2023). It’s shaped by how you view your physical self, your accomplishments, your abilities, and your values, as well as how you think others see you. In simpler terms, it’s how much you value and believe in yourself. High self-esteem means you generally feel good about who you are, while low self-esteem can make you feel less worthy.
Low self-esteem isn’t a diagnosable mental health condition. Think of it as a lens through which you view yourself—it can be clear and kind or cloudy and critical. While it’s not a mental illness, ongoing low self-esteem can nudge you towards mental health problems like anxiety or depression, especially if life feels like it’s piling on. Understanding it is the first step to building it up.
2. Why Self Esteem Is Important
Self-esteem plays a vital role in both mental and physical health because it affects how we view ourselves and handle stress. Self-esteem is like the battery that powers your resilience—when it’s charged, you’re more likely to take on challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and treat yourself with compassion. Research shows that people with healthy self-esteem tend to feel more positive, cope better with challenges, and maintain healthier behaviours; in contrast, low self-esteem is linked to increased risks of mental health problems like depression and anxiety, as well as harmful behaviours such as substance use problems (Mann et al., 2004). Overall, self-esteem helps protect against stress and supports wellbeing, making it a key factor in maintaining good health.
In a place like Hong Kong, where academic pressure, career demands, and social expectations can feel relentless, strong self-esteem helps you stand tall. It’s not about being flawless—it’s about knowing you’re enough, even when life gets tough. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can make you doubt your worth, shy away from opportunities, or feel stuck. Nurturing it gives you the confidence to live life on your terms.
3. Causes of Low Self Esteem
Low self-esteem often grows from a mix of experiences, and what shakes one person’s confidence might not bother another. Hong Kong’s fast-paced, high-stakes culture can amplify these triggers. Here are some common causes:
- Childhood Experiences and Upbringing: Being bullied, criticism and invalidation by significant others, facing discrimination, or dealing with abuse or trauma.
- Work and Study Pressures: Job loss, demanding workloads, or the intense academic competition in Hong Kong’s education system.
- Health Struggles: Physical or mental health issues that drain your energy or confidence.
- Relationships: Struggles with family, friends, or partners, or navigating break-ups or loneliness.
- Daily Stresses: Financial worries, housing issues, or body image concerns in a society that often values appearance.
- Cultural Factors: Social comparison, high societal expectations or stigma, especially around mental health or success.
Sometimes, there’s no single cause—just a slow build-up over time. Maybe you’ve faced setbacks that left you doubting yourself, or maybe childhood experiences shaped how you see yourself today. The good news? You can shift how you feel, bit by bit, starting with recognising what’s been weighing you down.
4. Signs of Low Self Esteem
Low self-esteem can creep into your thoughts, feelings, and actions, often disguised as everyday struggles. Here are some signs to look out for:
Emotional
Feeling worthless, unlovable, or constantly guilty; being overly hard on yourself.
Cognitive
Negative self-talk, like “I’m a failure” or “I’ll never be good enough”; worrying you can’t handle things.
Behavioural
Avoiding challenges, people-pleasing, perfectionism, withdrawing from friends, or struggling to say no.
Physical
Trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, or neglecting self-care because you don’t feel you deserve it.
These signs can overlap with mental health issues, especially if they stick around and disrupt your daily life. Spotting them early can help you take small steps to turn things around before they spiral.
5. Improving Self Esteem
Building self-esteem is like strengthening a muscle—it takes time, practice, and patience, but every small effort counts. What works for one person might not for another, so experiment with these ideas at your own pace. If something feels off, try another approach or come back to it later. Be gentle with yourself—you’re learning to be your own cheerleader.
Embrace Your Worth
- Explore Who You Are: Write in a journal about what makes you happy, your values, or things you’re proud of. It’s like meeting yourself anew.
- Practise Mindfulness: Be non-judgemental about your feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or unsure—emotions don’t define your worth.
- Reframe Self-Worth: If you’re tying your value to grades, looks, or others’ approval, try focusing on what matters to you.
- Challenge Harsh Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m useless,” add “I’m thinking that…” in front of the negative self-talk. “I’m thinking that I’m useless” is just a thought, not the fact.
- Ditch Comparisons: In Hong Kong’s social media-driven world, remember that people only show their highlights, not their struggles.
- Try Affirmations: Say something kind to yourself daily, like “I’m trying, and that’s enough.” It feels odd at first but grows easier.
Nurture Your Wellbeing
- Sleep Well: A regular sleep routine lifts your mood.
- Eat For Energy: Balanced meals keep your body and mind steady.
- Move Your Body: A walk along the harbour or a quick stretch session can boost confidence.
- Get Outdoors: Spend time in places like Sai Kung’s trails or West Kowloon harbour-front to recharge yourself.
- Limit Quick Fixes: Alcohol or drugs might feel like an escape but can lower self-esteem over time.
Spot Your Strengths
- Celebrate Small Wins: Finished a task? Handled a tough day? Give yourself credit.
- Accept Compliments: Instead of brushing them off, jot them down for tough days.
- Ask For Positives: Ask friends or family what they admire about you—it can shift your perspective.
- List Your Strengths: Write down skills, traits, or things you enjoy, like kindness or cooking.
- Don’t Dwell on Negatives: If someone’s critical, balance it with what you know you’re good at.
Connect with Others
- Talk It Out: Share your struggles with a trusted friend.
- Try Therapy: Talking therapies can help. Explore
Mind HK’s “Wellbeing Check-in” service (free one-time, 45-minute one-on-one session),
Mind HK’s iACT service (free 6-8 sessions of one-on-one psychological support),
text-based counselling like OpenUp (https://www.openup.hk)
Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong “ChatPoint” (https://chatpoint.org.hk)
Integrated Community Centres for Mental Wellbeing (ICCMWs) for one-stop, district-based, multi-disciplinary professional help including social workers and clinical psychologists. - Find Community: Peer support groups connect you with others who get it.
Want to Explore Others? Learn more about other community resources on Mind HK Community Directory and connect yourself with one that works best for you.
Stand Up for Yourself
- Say No When Needed: Pause before agreeing to things that overwhelm you.
- Set Boundaries: Protect your energy by limiting what you take on.
- Practise Slowly: Being assertive feels tough at first but gets easier and builds confidence.
Try Something New
- Do What You Love: Pick up a hobby like painting or hiking, or volunteering.
- Start Small: For example, try a new recipe or learn a phrase in a new language.
- Have Fun: Enjoy activities without aiming for perfection—progress is enough.